Things were not going well.
I had to do something about it.
I had to do something about it.
She wanted a relaxing bath and I was willing to help her...
She started to disappear on the shampoo and just a few bubbles were left.
How could that clean murder bring me to this dirty hell?
I love it. It has an unexpective ending because while you are reading the story you will never think that It was a murder!
ReplyDeleteOH!! Really unexpected ending!!! I like the adjectives that you use. Very important to give emphasis to the story. " Clean murder" and " Dirty hell". Very original. While I was reading it I couldn´t have imaged that it was a murder. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThere it goes my "cut and dried" Anny!
ReplyDeleteWhile I keep telling everyone to cut down their stories... There you are! Saying a lot of things in just four sentences. The only thing I can say is that I would give it a bit of "air":
Things were not going well,
I had to do something about it.
She wanted a relaxing bath and I (was willing to) would help her...
She started to disappear (while she was vahishing) on the shampoo, (and) until only (just a) few bubbles were left...
It is a great scene. Keep working on it!
Great!